Specialty: This guide offers practical tips to ensure that patients emerge from their hospital visits healthier than they were before they checked in and without having to endure excessive pain or indignities. Included are practical tips and warnings such as the fact that July, when the new interns start, is the most dangerous month to have a procedure done at a teaching hospital; EMLA anesthetic cream can be requested to be used on children’s skin, allowing for less painful I.V. starts; and washing off all iodine-based antiseptics thoroughly after surgery can prevent chemical burns. Proven tips for reducing hospital bills are also presented.